Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Yesterday, I spent the majority of my waking hours watching glorious cable at my parents house (How I Met Your Mother, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and That 70's Show - actor and actress similarities were not intentional.) It was wonderful (hence the word "glorious") but it made me really, really, really want to go to Taco Bell and get their $5 Meal Box (which, from what I've heard, occasionally comes in a bag... unfortunately.)

Going to Taco Bell when I'm sober is a rule that I have broken so often in the past two months that it is not even worth calling a rule any more. But yesterday I was committed to eating primarily fruits and vegetables, so going to TB would not have helped my cause at all.

Why would I want to eat primarily fruits and vegetables?

Because, this holiday season has encouraged me to get healthy for a variety of reasons:
  1. My mother has lost 27 pounds (and counting). She has always had more muscle mass than me, but now she is starting to look better than me - I would rather us look the same good-ness (the hyphen indicates that this is neither the virtue "goodness" found in the Bible [fruits of spirit, specificially], nor a replacement for "god" in the exclamation "Oh my god", but rather the noun form of "good" adapted for the phrase "You look good.") 
  2. My aunt and cousin have lost a combined 46 pounds (24 and 22 pounds, respectively) and also look amazing - see the above for details.
  3. The entire break, I have been in a self-induced sugar coma that has reached such extreme levels that I was struggling to stay awake while watching the happiest and most entertaining movie in the world - Elf.
Therefore, I am starting to live healthier. How?
  • Cook. I've come to the conclusion that boxed macaroni is actually healthier than going out to eat.
  • Grocery shop weekly. (See previous bullet point)
  • Exercise. In lieu of spending hours staring blankly at my computer screen after I get home from work, I will do something physical... with my clothes on, of course... like running on treadmill or walking a mile to Bluff City Coffee to see the cute, bearded barista (the "barista-walk" was my previous work out routine, but , in the past months, it has been replaced by the aimless staring)
  • Join PCA's "The Biggest Loser." I am somewhat competitive. (How I became the champion female chugger in both the greater Memphis and Gainesville areas)
If this fails? I will move to California (screw the outrageous property taxes) because 5 of the 20 "Happiest, Healthiest Cities in America" are in this great state (it's the Redwood Forest - come on - big trees - lots of oxygen. Just like Vegas, except without the gambling.)

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